Homeschooling as an Only Child

My homeschool experience was fantastic, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But I think it’s still a valid question: is homeschooling harder without the built-in community of siblings to provide instant classmates?

Homeschooling can be full of challenges, whether you’re teaching an only child or a large group with diverse needs. Here are some recommendations of things that helped me thrive as a homeschooled only child:

• If possible, stay close with extended family, or build your own extended family of friends. This will help your child spend time with kids of all ages, not just their own. Social interaction with kids both older and younger than your child is more like real life than socialization with same-age peers in a traditional classroom – and it’s also more like having siblings! I also benefited from grandparents who invested time in me. The time kids spend learning from older generations is so valuable. If grandparents aren’t in the picture, adopt some!

• Play with your kid! Time is a luxury we don’t all have in the same quantities, and as a child of a single mom, I get that. There were times when she was far too busy and I had to learn to entertain myself. But when you have opportunities, lean into them. Do something fun and silly with your child – maybe share an activity you loved doing as a kid, or include them in a household task like making dinner or mowing the lawn – make it into a game. It meant so much to me when my mom would join me for a tea party or when she let me set up my toy kitchen set in the real kitchen so we could cook together. Playing together can also help an only child develop the habit of sharing. For me, this took the form of learning to share control of what we did while playing – I had a definite bossy streak and would give “instructions” when playing pretend games, like “Ok, now you’re supposed to say this…” Without the immediate pushback from siblings who don’t want to be bossed around, this habit could develop unchecked. So my mom made sure to show me that playing together was more fun when we both contributed to our imaginary world and games.

• But also… don’t play with your kid! There are times when you have to say no. Don’t be afraid to – you won’t ruin your child’s life. As an only child, I needed to learn that my parents were human beings who needed rest, not to mention adults with responsibilities that I could not yet share. When I was little (toddler to preschool-aged), my mom instituted “room time,” which was an alternative to nap time since I was very nap-resistant. This was a chance for me to learn to entertain myself quietly in my room while my mom enjoyed some much-needed alone time. Resist the urge to run to screens for solutions – room time can be screen-free, and it’s so important that kids have time for independent, unstructured play that does not involve technology. Yes, there will be cleanup…there were many times when I had the entire contents of my toy bins scattered across my floor by the end of room time, but it was worth it. Toys that would be ideal for quiet solo play could include Lego and other building toys, stuffed animals, kitchen sets, art supplies, and puzzles.

• Give your child room to take charge of their own learning. I don’t know this for a fact, but I wonder if this happens more naturally in large families – there are so many learners at different levels that kids are forced to take on more responsibility and ownership of their schoolwork. With an only child, it would be easier to keep planning out their day – and their school year – in great detail. But there is value in allowing a child to pursue their own learning interests and learn to schedule their own day. Somewhere around the transition from middle to high school, my mom stopped making me a weekly planning sheet and started letting me fill it in instead. For my 9th grade elective, I really wanted to research local and state history, so I dove into it and designed my own “course,” talking to volunteers at my town’s museum, reading books, and visiting historical sites. I wrote a final paper, and we counted it as a half-credit high school course.

• Make use of co-ops, tutorials, and classes as opportunities for group work. Even if your child has lots of social time through church, neighborhood, or extended family, enrolling in a class or extracurricular gives students the opportunity to build teamwork skills they will need throughout their lives. This is especially vital for only children, and it’s one of the aspects of my education I wish had been stronger. My involvement in co-ops was on-and-off due to my mom working and being a single parent, but if it had been more consistent, this would have given me the opportunity to build long-term friendships while learning with others at the same time. If tutorials in your area are expensive or hard to find, look into free community classes that are not homeschool-specific. In elementary school, I was able to take an acting class for free at a community center in the evenings, which worked great for our budget and my mom’s work schedule. Joining a co-op or tutorial is also a great way for you as a parent to recognize your limits – homeschooling is difficult, and just because you are committed to educating your child doesn’t mean you have to teach every subject, every year. If you’re dreading algebra or if the thought of dissecting a frog grosses you out, it might be ideal for your student to learn it from someone who is passionate about it in a classroom or tutoring setting.

• Forgo the allowance. This one could apply to larger families as well, but what better way to combat the stereotype of only children being entitled? I never received an allowance growing up. In the real world, almost no one gets money for simply existing. However, I was given lots of easy opportunities to have “jobs” separate from my usual household chores that I could do to earn money. I come from a very entrepreneurial family, so I soon branched out from odd jobs to my own “businesses,” selling crafts and cards which my family members kindly bought. With a system like this, your child can still learn money skills and have pocket money to spend, but they’re learning work ethic and developing creativity at the same time.

• Make caring for others part of your everyday routine. Whether it’s helping with younger kids in the church nursery or volunteering to stuff envelopes or organize supplies at a local nonprofit, there are things you can do with your child from a young age to show them that they can have a role in helping others. While they might not have the experience of caring for younger siblings, there are plenty of ways to guide your child into being others-focused. When I was in elementary school, I volunteered with my mom at a crisis pregnancy center’s “supply closet,” helping to organize baby clothes for moms in need. While I didn’t completely understand the big issues at stake, it was something I was able to do to start learning about the needs in my community.

I am so thankful that my mom chose to home educate me, despite the challenges of being a single parent with an only child. The ways she fostered time together, alone time, time with extended family, self-motivated learning, work, and volunteering into our lives made it possible for me to thrive as a homeschooled only child. While your family’s situation may not look the same as ours did, I hope you can draw some encouragement from my experience and maybe glean some ideas from what worked for us.

Blessings on your homeschooling journey!

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DANIELLE JUDGE