Do you often notice moments when your child’s confidence is waning? Do you wonder how to support them in their moments of self-critical frustration?
It’s normal for children to question their abilities and test their own limits. There’s bound to be times of self-doubt and disappointment when they realize that achievement takes work, and that they won’t be good at everything. These are important but challenging life lessons.
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, children age 5-11 are in a developmental stage of Industry vs. Inferiority.
This means that they are in the process of learning what they are capable of and growing confidence in what they can accomplish. When they receive encouragement and experience success, they develop competence and a belief in themselves. If kids are discouraged, feel alone in their attempts, and face repeated failures without encouragement, they will develop feelings of inferiority.
Home can be the best place to succeed and fail as kids know they are in a loving and supportive environment.
“If I mess up, mom still loves me.”
“If I fail, dad is here to help.”
“My parents are proud of who I am, not just what I can do.”
These are all statements that your child may not consciously form in their minds but they should never question in their hearts.
Character building is even more significant than developing academic finesse or impressive talents. Challenges can allow us to give ourselves grace rather than beat ourselves down. As the parent, you will often find yourself in a position to set this example. The words you use to praise your children demonstrate how they should look at their own efforts.
We know that it is important to praise our children and it’s even more meaningful for kids to learn to appreciate their own efforts. Self-esteem comes from working hard toward a goal and feeling good about it but it also comes from knowing that they have a purpose and they are worthy of love (regardless of what they do). Hard work is meaningful, not just because of the end result and success, but also because it develops strength. Strength and perseverance are attributes that will carry through life. When kids see that their hard work is paying off, it helps them develop the ability to self-praise.
Let’s talk about how to give praise that builds your child’s self-esteem and instills confidence in their hearts! What you say, and how you say it, can help kids to recognize things that they should be proud of. Here are some suggestions.
“You worked so hard. Your energy wasn’t wasted. I’m so proud of you.”
“It’s okay to be disappointed that it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. How can we use what we have?”
“Let’s work together to create something we can be proud of.”
“I know you’re frustrated but I don’t expect perfection.”
“It’s okay to take a break and come back.”
“Let’s take our time and enjoy the process. ‘Fast’ doesn’t mean ‘better.’”
“Look at what you can do! You tried something new and that takes courage!”
“I value your hard work even more than what you have accomplished.”
It can also be helpful to give your children the opportunity to look back on their experiences. Ask them questions so that they can grow to believe in their accomplishments and learn from their mistakes.
“I know that this didn’t turn out the way you wanted. What would you do differently next time?”
“I think you learned a lot from this experience. What do we know now that we didn’t know before?”
“You did an amazing job. What are you most proud of?”
“What did you learn about yourself through this experience?”
“You’ve learned some great skills! How can we use this to make a difference or help others?”
It’s important to give kids opportunities to find new interests to pursue and grow. You can help kids explore their strengths with a crafty and visual activity — making a strengths chain.
Written in collaboration with TelePlay Therapy
TelePlay Therapy is a 100% online service who believes in “bettering the whole child while working with the family in their natural environment,” offering a real solution for families in need. TelePlay offers virtual Speech, Developmental, and Occupational Therapy as well as Child Counseling and Child Success programs. Look for TelePlay Therapy online at teleplaytherapy.com.
HOW TO MAKE “STRENGTH CHAINS”
You Will Need:
– Colorful Construction Paper
– Scotch Tape
– Markers
Instructions
1. Cut the paper into thick strips.
2. Spend some time talking with your child about their talents and some of their strongest attributes. Spend time reflecting on what makes them unique and some qualities that they are working to develop. Are they encouraging to others? Do they work hard? Are they gifted in a particular sport? Do they help their siblings? Are they willing to always try new things? Are they good at a specific subject?
3. As you talk about your student’s strengths, write each one down on a strip of paper.
4. Use tape to link each piece of paper through the other, forming a chain.
5. Hang the chain in your child’s room or in your learning space so that they can be reminded of their strengths and encouraged to work hard at developing more skills and character traits.
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