Now before you conclude that I’m a terrible parent, let me explain. As parents, most of the time when we lie to our kids it’s for one reason (Santa not included): We want to protect them.
When my little toddler crawls over to the oven and tries to pull himself up, I get concerned. I don’t want him to burn himself, so I tell him it’s hot. He can’t understand that it’s only hot sometimes, so to keep him from harm, I lie. But some lies we tell our kids are not for their safety. No, they’re for our convenience. Do any of these ring a bell?
• Coffee will stunt your growth (it’s not true, but who wants a kid all hopped up on caffeine?).
• Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis (again, not true, but that doesn’t change the fact the habit is super annoying).
But in my mind, there’s one lie we tell our kids that has the potential to cause more damage than all these others combined. What is it?
• We can’t afford it.
The Lie in Action
You know how it goes. You’re in the grocery store, kids in tow, list in hand, hair on fire. Moving down the aisles as the siblings bicker back and forth, you’re like a heat-seeking missile as you attempt to scope out every discount and deal in sight. Then, you make that fateful turn.
For some parents it’s the bakery section full of delectable delights. For others, it’s the magazine rack you breeze past on your way to grab the Febreeze. And for others, it’s the temptation laden checkout till and its shelves overflowing with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Sour Patch Kids, and Skittles. After your kiddo has a visual on the object of their desire, there’s very little you can do to avoid what comes next: the ask, the beg, and finally, the whine. If your kids are like mine, the conversation usually goes something like this:
Kiddo: “Mom, can I have __________?”
Mom: “No.”
Kiddo: “Please Mom!!?? I haven’t had __________ in forever.”
Mom: “I said, no.”
Kiddo: “Mooooooom, pleeeeeease!! Come on Mom!! We NEVER get ______________.”
Mom: “I said NO!
At this point, many parents will tack on a little tidbit just to seal the deal and make sure there’s no more conversation around this little impulse purchase interaction.
”We can’t afford it.”
BOOM. There it is. The lie that has the potential to set your kiddo on the path to future financial ruin.
You Can Afford Anything (almost)
Now you may think I’m exaggerating, but hear me out. Excluding insane hypotheticals like owning your own private island or buying your favorite pro sports team, you really can afford almost anything. Is it your dream to take your family on a fantastic European vacation? You can do it. Do you want to buy a $2000 piece of carry on luggage? I wouldn’t recommend it, but the friendly folks at Louis Vuitton would be more than happy to take your money. Do you dream of being able to have the means to be extravagantly generous with both your time and money? It’s all within your grasp.
What it comes down to are choices. You can afford all of those things (though probably not all at once). Sure, you’ll have to save up and say no to spending your cash on other stuff, but you really can afford much more than you probably think. In short, it’s about being honest with yourself about how you choose to spend your money.
Here’s the hard truth. You CAN afford all the things I just mentioned. The problem is, you’ve CHOSEN to spend your money in such a way that you either don’t have the money for them YET, or, sadly, you’ll never have it.
• Do you live in a gorgeous house with a massive mortgage?
• Are you rolling around town in a flashy ride with a hefty monthly payment?
• How often do you go out to eat? What about ordering in?
• Do you give to charity?
• How expensive are your hobbies? What about your kids’ hobbies?
• Do you keep a monthly budget?
• Do you automate your savings?
And the list could go on and on and on.
To Say Yes, Say No
Once again, it all boils down to choices. We all have the choice to spend our money however we’d like. If you want to take an amazing family vacation, or get season tickets to your favorite sports team, or live with extravagant generosity, you can. The choice is yours. It really is very simple.
But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Along with choosing how we handle our money, we also choose the consequences that come with those decisions. And this almost always means that saying yes to something means saying no to something else. The money we have is finite. Sure, we can always get more by working hard or investing wisely, but you’ll never have enough money to say yes to everything. And it’s this mentality, this yes to everything now and pay later attitude, that has many people drowning in debt.
No, to be able to have almost anything you want, you need to say no to some of the things you want. In economic terms, it’s often referred to as opportunity cost. Essentially, to gain the benefits from one decision you must give up the potential benefits of another. In other words, in order to have anything you want you must choose to sacrifice.
Say Yes To Your Kids
Which is why we’ve stopped saying no to our kids when they ask us to buy them stuff. Instead, in an effort to teach them about opportunity cost and the importance of sacrifice, we’ve started saying yes…with a slight twist.
The conversation now goes like this:
Kiddo: “Mom, can I have __________?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Kiddo: “Please Mom!!?? I haven’t——. Wait, what? Yes? I can have it??”
Mom: “Yes, you can.”
Kiddo: “For real??!!”
Mom: “Yes, of course! Now it will mean that you need to choose to give something else up in order to be able to afford ______________. So, what would you like to give up? Would you like to sell your (bike, video game system, phone, brother)? Or maybe you’d like to cancel our subscription to ____________ or take a few months off from your ___________ lessons? What do you think? What should you sacrifice in order to buy ____________?
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